This spring I did something I haven't done before. I planted a veggie/fruit garden - from seeds! My mom and I had the pleasure of driving Mrs. Barefoot home after a Mother/Daughter tea at our church. Mr. and Mrs. Barefoot are retired missionaries of Alaska that our family has had the joy of getting to know over the last few years. Mr. Barefoot has created an incredible garden in his back yard. At first I wanted to "build" a garden. The reality sunk in and it dawned on me that I could just find spaces within our current flower beds to add in veggies.
Ok, for some reason, my computer decided to send that e-mail before I was done writing. . . so, I'll continue. (Some of you weren't added to the e-mail list yet, so I added the first part of the e-mail above so you would get that part too.) Back to the seeds. . .
I have planted zinnias from seeds the past few summers and had the week before we visited the Barefoots, planted seeds for zinnias in a bed that didn't do so well last year. I dug up the dirt, threw in some 3 month fertilizer and then added a few large bags of potting soil. Then I added the seed, covered them with a bit of dirt and as I was watering - all sweaty and dirty myself, I thought of what an illustration all that was for . . . Hope. After a cold a gloomy winter, I was longing for summer warmth and flowers. This bed of dirt and little dead looking seeds didn't seem capable of producing what the seed packets pictured, but here I was watering and praying over my work that God would bless it. In my mind I pictured my past beds of zinnias that I enjoyed so much, and I had Hope.
That little illustration continued with me as I the next week spent several hours with my hoe and shovel in another bed digging up individual round plots for squash and cucumbers, canteloupe, watermelon, zucchini and peppers. I planted a couple of plants to be sure, but I have been most excited about the seeds that have ALL grown into plants. This last Saturday I started my summerly ritual of "miracle growing" my flowers and as I got to my veggies, I thought my peppers were going to be my only "no shows", but I was wrong! There they were; little green pods pushing through the dirt some with the seed still attached to a new leaf. I couldn't help but think about Jesus's illustration of the seed that must be buried/fall into the earth and die before it can bring forth new life (or was that Paul?) either way, it was still God.
Encouraged by my success, I even planted some corn and sugar snap peas - and have tomatoes growing in my barrels! As I was telling all this to Dale - as I ask him often in the evening if he wants to walk with me to check out my vegetables - I told him of my illustration of Hope. He told me it wasn't hope, but faith.
Put in that light, I suddenly understood the difference - at least in light of what I have been through this last year. My faith has been pounded - (I feel as if I have very little left, but I know I can't trust what I feel to always be true, so there may be more faith there than I feel). Hope is a wonderful little glimmer surrounded by darkness. It's a chance to survive what hurts. Hope is all that is left when we have used up all that we know and depend on. Hope is what drove the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years to find Jesus and reach between others feet to touch his robe. I don't think she had faith, not like we think of it, she had the seed of faith - hope. She wasn't sure, she wasn't convinced, maybe her husband or her friends had begged her to go find Jesus and that little seed of hope twinkled into life in her heart. It started like a single piece of glitter that catches your eye.
Hope is a beautiful thing. It is the beginning of faith - especially after a very dark hour - or dark years. Abraham journeyed 100 years of faith that must have dwindled down to just a speck of hope when Isaac finally came along. Sarah confessed she had lost hers, yet God still let her rejoice again.
I thought my "last hope" was a week ago. I thought my Endocrinologist was going to start me on Thyroid medicine. I really thought that was the answer, I could/can see no others that make sense. I was already rejoicing in my heart that the darkness was about to be over. But that is not what she said. Turns out what I thought was an MRI of my pituitary turned out to be a Scan of my Thyroid gland - I only have one left as one was removed in 1999 - 10 years ago and the beginning of all "this." Tomorrow I go for the MRI of my Pituitary to see if there is a growth or some other abnormality that would explain my symptoms. I feel like we are on a rabbit trail of sorts, but God knows where I am and how much I can endure. Overall I am doing much better - just cried my eyes out the day of the appointment.
Can you imagine what Sarah must have gone through all those years of month after month of having to tell Abraham that she wasn't pregnant? Then to become old and sure that God wasn't going to deliver their dreams as she had thought. And finally years after that having hope re-ignited by angels that promised her exactly what she had hoped for so long and hard years upon years earlier. Somehow Abraham's faith - though I'm sure it too was squashed and unsure by the time God did bring along Isaac - his faith was enough to be counted for righteousness. I think my idea of faith might be different from God's. There are many in the hall of faith that had their faith squashed down to just a glimmer of hope. We think they were so strong, but maybe their strength was in clinging to that hope when all else was gone.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for
and certain of what we do not see.
Annette
I went from swirls and then played with words - that I found out I had to spell backwards and upside down - not easy. What do you think?
