The snow of 2011

I love this picture of Will just purely enjoying the snow!!

The Snow of 2011! I hope this is one that will go down in the books. The last I remember that would compare was 1988 when we got 14 inches. But this snow was different. Totally different.

It came down all white and very fluffy. Six fluffy inches. But it wasn't sleddable or snowman material or even snowball material. We tried pulling the sleds behind the four-wheeler as we "usually" do and it wouldn't work. Crazy. So, we put all the coats and ski bibs and gloves and hats and socks in the dryer and warmed up with hot chocolate and marshmallows. YUM!

IT'S SO FLUFFY!!!

Doesn't it feel like I just took a picture of this?

And I think I'm in love with our blue door,
but it may be that I love it with the Christmas wreath and bow,
so hopefully I like it as much when that comes down. 

What a water skier does with his kids (and the neighbor kids when it snows.)

Our neighborhood gang.

This kid is so fun to get snow pictures of - his tongue is constantly out or he is laughing hysterically.

Then, with freshly dried and still warm from the dryer warm duds, we adventured over to a friend's house with my snow-driver hubby at the wheel. They live around the corner from a wonderful hill. And about then it started to sleet - which was just what that fluffy snow needed. Sledding began. Then pancakes - late afternoon pancakes and chicken salad (a man's version with artichoke hearts and a girly version with cranberries and nuts - yum, yum). We think pancakes after snow is a wondeful tradition to begin. That and maybe sugar cookies or Gingerbread houses - why should Christmas get all the fun?

Visiting friends - so glad my hubby can drive in the snow.

On our way to the sledding hill.

The Hill.

Weeeee.

Proof I was behind the camera. 

Sweet Jillian.

All going down together.  (My idea - for the picture, of course.)

Sweet Emily - Love this little girl!!

More sledding and then we sledded home before the roads got too, too bad. Now, for those of you that aren't from around here, we in Anderson rarely see snow for longer than a day. It doesn't stay cold long enough. Not this week! The thermometer got stuck down here - in the thirties - - all week long.

My handsome Ben.  (I can't say Sweet Ben!)

My favorite picture of the day.  Wish I had taken more from this angle.  Live and learn.

The Light

"I AM the Light of the World." 

I love that Jesus used illustrations, and I don't even know that illustration is the right word here , because in heaven, He truly is THE Light!  This idea could bear much contemplation, and I hope that just this introduction will get you thinking about our need for Jesus as the Light, but I'm not going to think through it all in my blog.

Actually, I wanted to tell you about the lights that I use this time of year.  I think they help.  If you put in "light therapy, or SAD or sunlamp," in your browser, you will come up with a lot of places that sell lights that help with the Winter Blues.  I bought one 2 years ago.  It is from Northern Lights Technologies  http://www.northernlighttechnologies.com/.  I bought "the Flamingo".  It was about 200.00 at the time.  Kind of tough to fork that out for a therapy lamp, but the amount I spend yearly in medicine is much more than that. 

Also on that site is a "Feel Bright Light Visor."  My mom and I have gotten so tickled about just the thought of buying each other those hats and wearing them around the house, that that has been its own therapy without us even purchasing it.  (I think these people have been much more considerate about naming their products - even the next product a "Happy Light" - doesn't just the name make you happier.  Would you want to buy it if it was named the "SAD light"????? )

Well, this Christmas, Walgreens had on sale a "Happy Light" by Verilux on sale for 29.99.  It was/is a much smaller light that can sit right next to your computer (and I have one glowing up at me right now).  I grabbed one then and just this week went back for two more.  I gave Mom the first one for Christmas, and then bought one for my husbands front office staff and one for me.  This one is much smaller than the 200.00 version and much easier to move from place to place.  However, it also is much lower in "LUX."  Huh?  My big one has 10,000 LUX.  This little desk version has 2,500 LUX.  http://www.amazon.com/Verilux-Natural-Spectrum-HappyLite-VTCP01/dp/B001O2JTEQ/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1294507219&sr=8-5  Here it is on Amazon, and if you read the fine print, it says it delivers a combined amount of 5,000 LUX - they are selling you two lights, so, individually, they are 2500 LUX. 

Just a little bit of personal history on some of this and then I'll stop advertising.  A few winters ago I was having one of my worst winters ever.  We were struggling to get my medicine right and test different hormone levels and overall it was just awful.  In February of that year I was a MESS.  We had been planning a skiing trip for a weekend that the boys had a few extra days off, but the closer it got, the more I was freaking out about just the idea of being cold.  We made a last minute decision to go south and warm up my bones.

We took a quick trip to Disney and for 2 1/2 days I felt good or rather, better - MUCH better.  It was actually crazy how much better I felt.  I smiled, I laughed, I wasn't panicky or nervous, I enjoyed my family and I think they enjoyed me!  The change was extreme.  Half way home in the middle of Georgia I started crying again - no reason, just started crying.  I was born in Florida.  We made several long trips from Alabama to Miami when I was a kid to visit my Grandparents, and because of those long, boring, flat, hot, longer trips, I have never wanted to live there.  Ever.  Until recently, Until that trip. 

That trip was my stimulus for light therapy research.  About that time I also tried going to the tanning bed.  Sounds crazy, but that too seemed to help.  Whatever works.  Inside I was craving sunshine.  And our trip to Disney was an accidental experiment with amazing results.         

I know, sounds crazy, but "it is what it is."  (The 2010 saying of the year.)

I don't go much [to the tanning bed] just this time of year until spring finally pops its head out, and I don't get burned quite so bad from our first lake trip - because by then I could just lay in the sun all day and become a lobster. 

In the last few years there has been a lot of talk and more doctors are checking Vitamin D levels and finding them extremely low especially in women, so I take Vitamin D as one of my many vitamins.

If you are struggling with SAD or depression, keep trying.  Keep looking.  Find what helps you!  And pass on what does!  I hope this helps someone.

The Grocery Store after Dark

I don't really want to blog about this.  But I do.  This is what this blog is about. 
Me.  Me AND my struggles. 
Victories too, but if I just blog about the victories, you won't really understand how victorious they are. 

So here is one of my "crazy" struggles. 

I struggle more in the winter with depression than in the summer.  The official name is SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Why must they name it that?  (It's the little things that drag us down.)  Couldn't they have worked a little harder to find an acronym that spelled GLAD or HAPPY or ANYTHING but SAD???!!!  Winter Blues sounds better than SAD.  Get back with me if you can come up with a more encouraging name for it.  

Well, I have a whole lot I could say about this, but let me just tell you what happened last night, because when I get too far away from it, even I can't believe it is really as hard as it really is.  To start with, Really gloomy day Saturday - saved by the Red Coat, a little bit of shopping and a wonderful family dinner at a Japanese Steak house. 

Sunday was going okay.  I had intended on making split pea soup with a left over ham bone from Christmas.  Got all the ingredients the night before (while talking to my sister on the phone - key point - that is how that shopping trip in the dark after the dinner at the Japanese steakhouse was saved).  I had thought I'd put it (the soup) together before church, but reality told me I really didn't have time, and for once I listened to her.  We picked up lunch from the deli after church (ah, lunch was saved), and after lunch I followed the recipe and had a yummy dinner all tossed in the crock pot by 2:30.  The recipe also suggested serving with grilled cheese sandwiches which sounded very tempting - especially as I wasn't too sure this would be a popular recipe with all the little men in my house.  But I didn't hunt out all the ingredients for that added touch and hoped my Man would call on his way home with the boys from the Clemson basketball game.  He usually does.  But this time, he didn't.  No biggie.

They came in at 6:45, ravished as most boys always are, and were completely delighted to smell food.  They even seemed hopeful about the split pea soup.  (Hubby and I do love it - I wasn't just making it to torture them.)  I looked at the leftover clean up from making the soup and suddenly decided against grilled cheese sandwiches.  Instead there was a lovely bag of cornbread mix with a recipe right on the back that called out to me.  So, I read out the ingredients and Will, eager to help, got out an egg for me, but when I said 2 cups of milk, he said, "Mommy, we don't have any milk."  UGH!

"We are out of milk." I called out. 

(Often there is a fabulous reply from my Knight in Shining Armor saying, "I'll be glad to go get milk."  And he is usually genuinely glad to do it - especially if it is an ingredient for dinner.)

He must not have heard me or didn't hear the little bit of desperation creeping into my voice.  It might not have been hear-able.

I don't fully know it at this point, but a battle has begun in my head with Depression. 

I don't want to go to the store this late.  It's dark outside.  Where are my shoes.  Forget shoes, where are my socks.  Few rounds around the house to find necessities.  It's so late.  The boys are going back to school tomorrow.  Just forget it.  We will need milk for the morning.  Why don't you just keep powdered milk in the house for this type of emergency.  It's not that big a deal.  It's just a quick drive to the grocery store; besides, powdered milk is nasty and you would get those pantry bugs in it.  OK, now where is my coat.  Where are my keys.  Why are they showing reruns of OJ Simpsons famous bronco ride and all the news casts surrounding it?  My boys have a million questions and are sort of freaking out because they are thinking it is happening right now.  They are mesmerized.  I don't want to leave them hear watching a past sports hero threatening suicide from 15 years ago or so.  I watch a little with them.  Two boys go upstairs.  Leaving Grayson still asking what is happening.

I ask Grayson to go with me to the store.  He looks at me a little funny, but that gets him away from that sad story unfolding from the past and it helps me with my huge task at hand.

I grab my keys, check for my wallet, holler to Dale, and we go out the door. 

To me every step feels like stepping knee high through pluff mud.  My heart beats faster, and my breath comes in short quick intakes. 

Then we open the door from the garage to the driveway, and the night is BLACK.  For some reason I wasn't expecting it to be so dark.  It is only seven.  It feels like eleven, and I feel smaller than ever and scared - just a little bit scared.  Scared not of the dark or things outside, but of the evident shadow that is following me - depression. 

In the car feels even darker, because the back windows are tinted.  A great help in the summer heat, but in the dark it makes it harder to see out, especially when backing out of my driveway.

It helps to have my little Sunshine with me.  He keeps my mind of all this ridiculous struggle going on within me.  They have moved the milk. Ugh.  Oh, well, I wanted to get Organic milk anyways.  They have moved the Organic milk too.  Ugh.  OK, well, we might as well grab some cheese and bread in case we decide on the grilled cheese anyways.  All the way to the other side of the store.  Organic Milk.  Let's get two while we are here.  We can never have enough milk at our house.  (I used to buy 5 FIVE gallons at a time when they were little).  To the front, pay, pack and out of there.  Wow, Organic milk is expensive.

Out in the suffocating dark again.  Glad to have Grayson with me. 

Home, Inside. 

Quick confession to Dale.  "That was hard." 
"What do you mean, that was hard.  I thought you were doing good."
"I have been.  When it starts to go downhill, I don't want to admit it or it makes it more sure."
Then the tears come.  Just a few. 
"How bad is it?"

But I didn't know my older boy was right there too.  "I don't want to talk about it right now."  Not really.
I tell him the frustration of trying to make the cornbread and not having milk . . . 

We give up on the cornbread and have the soup with bread and butter.  They all eat it with happy hearts.  One isn't crazy about it, but says it is okay.  Another eats his whole bowl and loves it.  The third, I'm just thrilled if he eats any - and he does; even says he likes it.  Dale and I have seconds.

I will probably come back to this another time.  I think grocery shopping and meal preparation is a tough thing for a lot of people who struggle with depression.  What makes it so odd is that I know it is not normal for me.  I know I can be very good at this simple task.  It's not that big a deal, but sometimes just the asking for help is the hardest struggle to overcome. 

Well, that was hard.  I'd like to give a lot of excuses or tell you that didn't happen just last night.  My prayer is that it will help someone.  Lord, my life is Yours.  Has been for a long time.  You have given me this malady, this sickness, this disorder.  May I use it to honor You.  Thank you so much for putting stories in the Bible of people who suffered with depression and illness.  Right now thank you for the woman with the bleeding sickness for 12 years.  Her story is a comfort to me.  Thank You for healing her.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one.

"Hey, Hon, It's a Red Coat Kinda Day"

January 1, 2011. 

Yes, 01/01/11 was a Red Coat Kinda Day. 

It was foggy, rainy, cold, gloomy, sad all day long.  As I was headed out of the house, my Man called to first tell me that he had changed out my windshield wipers.  He had put them in my stocking!!  My boys passed on the info. that Mom needed new windshield wipers. (No, they weren't that observant, but they were good listeners.)  I love to be able to see out my windows - and especially my windshield - as I drive down the road.  I love my new windshield wipers!

Second, he called to tell me it was "a Red Coat kind of day."  I will need to add a picture to this eventually.  I was already wearing some bright colors in an attempt to redeem the day from the gloom outside, but in lieu of the Red Coat I decided to change because it would take car of my need for color.  Favorite jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt and one other treat I'll have to blog about another time: my red shortie boots . . .  those and my Red Coat would do it.  "Thanks, Hon!"

Several years ago - (about six I think) a patient walked into my hubby's office wearing a beautiful Red Rain Coat.  It went almost to the floor, had a "Little Red Riding Hood" type of hood that not only covered her head but went a few inches extra to keep the rain off her face.  It was fabulous material that didn't look like a rain coat but rather something luxurious.  And it was a beautiful color - Red. 

It was close to Christmas time, and he asked where she got it . . . and then he work his way around town to get one just for me.  It became one of my favorite Christmas surprises ever.  I felt like a million bucks every time I wore it - even more because I knew He had picked it out and taken time to hunt for it and buy it and wrap it - - all that time He was thinking about me.

And a year later it became one of my greatest Christmas heart breaks.  As I can best piece it back together, I went into church early to run the nursery, and four hours later when the sun had come out, I accidently left the coat on the counter and forgot about it because the rain was gone.  And then it didn't rain for several months.  I didn't realize it was lost.  I assume it went to lost and found and eventually sent on to the Goodwill store.  I always think about who might have ended up with that lovely Red Coat and hope that they treasure it as I did.

I felt so horrible.  He had worked so hard to find something VERY nice for me, and I lost it.  UGH!  UGH!  and every time it rained, I felt my heartache again.  UGH!  He might not realize it, but I beat myself up about that again and again and again.  I didn't bring it up because I think he thought I had been very careless to leave it and forget about it.  He was right; I had, and it tore me up.  UGH!

Well, that went on for a few years.  I even found it on the inter-net, the exact one, red and all, but couldn't bring myself to re-spend the money.  I probably watched it for a full year.  I even bought one I thought was just like it but brown from e-bay, but when I got it was a petite.  I am not a petite - at all.  I have long arms, a long body.  It was too small.  The sleeves were too short, even the hood didn't come out as far as the first one had.  And it was brown.  It was almost worse when I wore it - made me long for the original gift even more.  But I still didn't say anything.  Then another Christmas rolled around and as humbly as I asked if we could replace that special gift he had gotten me several years before.  By then we almost couldn't find the coat like the one I lost. 

I think I may have ended up with one of the very last ones in existence.  By now it was a much older style, though I think the most attractive one they had, but few people carried it. 

Well, that was last year's Christmas present, and it has been well used.  Last year we broke free of a very long drought.  It rained a lot last year.  And that rain coat has been put to great use.  Especially yesterday.  It saved yesterday.  I left my umbrella at home, flipped my hood over my head and strode in and out of the stores I was errand-ing.  What could have been a dark and gloomy day was saved and instead racked itself up as a wonderful "Red Coat day."

My story: Part I Endocrinology

HE LOVES ME!!

(No, not my Endocrinologist.)

I go to an Endocrinologist.  Several times year.  She is finally convinced (as I have been pretty sure of for about 13 years) that I have hypothyroidism.  That just means I don't have enough thyroid hormone.  In my humble opinion I could possibly have been low on thyroid most of my life, but I am convinced that I have been low since half-way through my first pregnancy when I suddenly jumped in pregnancy weight and when at my 2 week post baby visit my doctor found my thyroid was enlarged.  That resulted in a visit to a dear friend who was also an ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) Surgeon.  He sent me for a few diagnostic tests which revealed that I was developing a Goiter.  Though I am often frustrated at all I have been through, I do get a good dose of humor when I think that I could have a goiter.  If you don't know what that is, it would end up being a very large swelling at my throat - not pretty.  Not really funny either, but hey, it works for me, so I will chuckle thankfully at my own possible demise. 

Though my story is currently at the ENT and hasn't even gotten to the Endocrinologist, I eventually end up at there, and this definition gives you a general idea of what system is about to get violently rattled in my body - that is, thirteen years ago.  Here is the wikipedia explanation of the Endocrine system:

In physiology, the endocrine system is a system of glands, each of which secretes a type of hormone into the bloodstream to regulate the body. It derives from the Greek words endo meaning inside, within, and crinis for secrete. The endocrine system is an information signal system like the nervous system. Hormones are substances (chemical mediators) released from endocrine tissue into the bloodstream that attach to target tissue and allow communication among cells. Hormones regulate many functions of an organism, including mood, growth and development, tissue function, and metabolism. The field of study that deals with disorders of endocrine glands is endocrinology, a branch of internal medicine.


The endocrine system is made up of a series of ductless glands that produce chemicals called hormones. A number of glands that signal each other in sequence is usually referred to as an axis, for example, the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis. Typical endocrine glands are the pituitary, thyroid, and adrenal glands.

Yeah, I don't think I would pick it as my specialty.  If I could, I really wouldn't pick it as my disorder, but I don't get that luxury.  Actually, God picked it for me and I have to regularly remind myself that not only did He create me, He knows the hairs on my head.  And if He knows the hairs on my head, is it not a reasonable "assumption" that He also knows what is going on inside me?  So as I continue blogging I plan to continue this thread to tell you my health story as well as my journey through it all with God.  When I get really frustrated and want to stomp my feet or scream, (and sometimes I do) I remind myself that God knows me and my body and HE LOVES ME!  God is Good; All the Time.  And All the Time; God is Good.  Just keep saying that today. 

Some Christmas Pictures and thoughts

When I read a blog, I feel like I am reading someone's journal and it always seems like it is a record of that very day.  Well, as I am trying to do this, I am realizing that (at least for myself) I am going to have to give myself grace and time to let things "develop."  Just like we once had to wait for film to be developed?  Well, downloading and editing and now in my case, decreasing the resolution so the computer will upload the pictures ALL takes time.  Also, writing and editing the words takes time.  So, in that mode, here are a few moments caught on "film" from our last month.



Me and my Honey in front of our 2010 Christmas tree.  The weather was a nippy 23 degrees with wind that dropped it to not much above bearable.  I was out of the car MAYBE five minutes before my fingers and toes were ice.



Here is my burley man looking cool in his down vest I bought him a few birthday's ago.  He is looking Fine.



All four of my boys dry and snug in their coats posing in front of our uncut Christmas tree.



Rex, my fourth boy after he jumped in the pond and soaked his nice fur coat and then did that three more times!!!  He has icicles all over and even on his whiskers.  I guess he really is a water hunting dog.  Turns out Middle son threw an apple in the little pond AND there was a duck decoy floating in the middle of the little icy pond.  It was inevitable.  But I was aghast sitting in the warm truck frozen merely from my five minute romp up the hill to take a quick look at the trees.

 

The decorated Christmas tree along with my new garland. 
Took me a while to find what I was looking for - garland, that is.  Something that would be simple to restring lights to, something that would not need a lot of attention each year when putting it up.  Something simple and yet festive.  And it didn't cost that much either!

  

Ah, the night before Christmas shot. 
Mom's elf work is finally done (at 1:30am). 
The last presents are jammed in Christmas bags with a little big of tissue on top and the basketballs that I didn't want to wrestle with were simply placed in front. 
Ahhhh, 366 more days before Christmas. 
And as I snap these photos before falling exhausted into bed I am making the same resolutions I did last year and many years before too:  Next year I am NOT going to buy so much.  Next year I will have the wrapping done EARLY.  Next year I will start all this in July. . . and probably next year I'll be saying all this all over again.

  

MY/OUR FIRST WHITE CHRISTMAS EVER!!  Yeah!!  I don't think any of us in Anderson really expected it to snow all week, but low and behold it did!!  This is Christmas evening 2010.

 

Took this picture same time and place as the one above, but I used my flash on this one. 
How about that - it was really snowing!!  Fun, Fun, Fun!!



Appreciating my "new" front door. 
(and photoshop that helped me take the pumpkin off the steps) 
I painted all our outside doors and door frames a few months ago.  This one really needed it.  It was looking AWFUL.  And I didn't know how expensive a new door handle and lock could be - over 100 dollars!!  After going to Lowe's 3 times, I found a brand that was really nice, but also 75 % off!  Got our new door handle for 30 bucks!

  

Love this.  Boys being boys.  The real snow pictures are from the day after Christmas.  This is enough for now.



Southern Snow



Add caption

The following is a post that I started but didn't complete after February 2010's snow.  Though a bit late, it still seems a little appropriate since we just had a WHITE CHRISTMAS!!!  I will work on a post about that soon, but until then, you can enjoy this one.  And I may post some on how to fix your pictures if your pictures turn out as these did.  Thanks to my photography teacher, I have corrected these pictures in Photoshop Elements.


This afternoon I thought about how special Southern Snow is.  We don't get it very often, and when we do it doesn't last very long.  A few years ago it started snowing in the evening and I finally lost the battle of trying to keep our three guys inside.  I kept thinking they could play the next morning, (but by the next morning it was gone - the snow had turned to rain.)  When they went out at 9pm we found that many of our neighbors were out building snowmen and sledding.  Then the next morning they had to go to school. 

Another interesting thing about Southern Snow is that the whole world stops.  We don't have all the equipment to clear the roads, and besides that, no one knows how to drive in snow anyway, so it is very dangerous to drive - even if you do know how to drive in snow - because no one else knows what they are doing. 

Today, though, I was thinking that if we had snow all the time it would get old fast and we wouldn't enjoy it as much as we do.  Let me set the scene for the next picture.  I have a rather large zoom lens on my camera, so I am not as close to these guys as it appears.  I really didn't think I was at risk.  I TOLD them to throw snowballs at me . . . and being obedient sons and neighbors . . . they did . . .

See that one on the right side of the picture.  With the blond hair.  The one that looks like he just pitched a baseball at his mom?  Yes, that's my middle son.

and it appears he has a future in baseball.  Possibly pitching.

  Yes, that is a close up of a snowball.  From the inside of the snowball.  I'm surprised it took at all.

Here he is very relieved that mom has a sense of humor and didn't get hurt by the camera smashing into her face.

This picture, though adorable, show cases what happens when you are still learning or not learning to adjust white balance.  Everything appears blueish.

And here is how we entertain on snow days.