Some of my thoughts on "Fat Acceptance"

A dear friend of mine gave a link to this blog on her facebook status.  I read the blog she linked to and then glanced around on her blog a little bit to get a feel for who she was.  Then I read her thoughts on "fat acceptance," and was amazed at how many things she touched on that I have experienced over the last few years.    Here is the link to that blog.  I highly recommend it.  It will make you think or hopefully it will.
http://www.definatalie.com/2010/06/21/about-fat-acceptance/

Before we get any further, let me just say, I don't consider myself  "fat."  I do weigh more than I'd like to weigh.  I'd love to weigh 30 - even 40 pounds less than I do.  I am tall and had been "tall and skinny" until children came along and I had half of my thyroid removed, blah, blah, blah.  Exercise and health has always been very important to me.  I am a nurse.  I have run a half-marathon.  Most recently for the last two years I have been working out with a trainer 1 - 2 days a week for an hour and walking with a friend 2 - 3 other days 5 - 6 miles. 

But then again, I don't like to be in pictures - especially with my sisters and brother who are all at least 40 pounds and then some less than me.  Currently my picture on my blog is from about 5 years ago.  I don't like that I don't look good in dresses of any style (but especially not empire waists - see below).  I really don't like the looks from the "beautiful ones" that are my age, that have had their children and have succeeded in getting "back into their jeans."  I really don't like that discussions about weight, dieting and exercise are as common and acceptable as discussing the weather.  I don't like to have to be on the defense with every Tom, Dick and Harry - or rather, every Sue, Nicki and Mary.  I don't like that in everyday conversation we can hurt each other by making references to others that have been working out (just as much as you are) and they "look so good."  I don't like that my decisions about healthy eating are open for discussion because it doesn't appear to be working for me.

So, I want to throw in a few quotes from Natalie and then make some comments on them: 

Natalie:  As a fat acceptance advocate, my position is that fat people should not be discriminated against or demonised. One of the main tenets within the movement is that dieting and the culture of encouraging disordered eating is harmful.

Me:  I have been very disheartened by the dieting trends that I have encountered during my struggle to recover my previous skinny-minny self.  As a teen it seemed the dieting trend was baked potatoes and salads.  Then salad dressings were demonized and eventually baked potatoes as well.  In my late teens I went to California for college where I was introduced to guacamole - YUM, which was soon banished to the evil foods along with nuts, peanut butter, and eggs, milk, all milk products . . .  huh?  Now it along with real milk and eggs and all is back on the REALLY Good for you list.

At 28 I had my first baby and as a result of the pregnancy had to have half of my thyroid removed.  And the Atkins diet trend came on the scene.  Yuck.  Yuck.  Yuck.  It didn't seem right at the time and still doesn't.  My husband was thrilled.  A friend of my husband's was all into it, and so my husband encouraged me to jump on the bandwagon as well.  I was not a fan.  I craved fruits and vegetable.  I dreamed about heating up an entire bag of mixed vegetables and scarfing down all of it.  hmmm, not a bad idea, you think, but at the time all those vegetables were vilified.  Corn was (and still is by some) no good.  Carrots - horrors.  Peas, why bother. . . Where was the PROTEIN.  Obviously, protein was the key word - the only key word.  After one week of bacon, eggs, meat, meat and more meat, I gave up.  Something was so wrong about that "diet." 

In summation of my brief thoughts on dieting - skinny people think they have the upper hand on what everyone should eat.  Just because you are skinny, doesn't mean you know what is the most healthy thing to eat or not to eat.  Skinny people don't know everything.  (Not meant to be a dis to my skinny friends that are very wise and smart - I do love you too!!)  Let me restate that - Being skinny doesn't make you smarter or more intelligent on health and dieting.

Natalie:  To begin with, one must understand that human beings have different body shapes, racial backgrounds, medical conditions, and socio-economic circumstances (amongst other things) and fat is not just a result of eating too much or exercising too little. I can’t stress that enough.

Me:  I could go in so many different directions with this little blurb.  Please take time to observe body shapes.  We are not all created equal.  0 is not the perfect size for everyone.  Irony is really that we all buy our clothes at the same stores.  I am 5 foot 8 inches tall.  I tower over most women.  I am five inches taller than my mother.  My height is in my body, not in my legs.  You know the empire waist style that has been "in" for the last several years?  Never works on me - that high waist cuts right across my boobs - lovely - Not where the empire waist is meant to be.  Why don't we celebrate our differences.  Why don't we have more catalogs for different body types instead of catalogs that have all the same skinny, tall, anorexic (with boob jobs) models?

Natalie:  The reason why I am so vocal about the issue of body acceptance is because too often fat bodies are pathologised, that is – they are viewed as abnormal and diseased, even when they are not. This is especially concerning when doctors, and indeed the wider health industry, do not treat fat patients’ symptoms seriously or even worse – dismiss the patient’s concerns and deny treatment until the patient loses weight. Even if the patient’s symptoms are not related to weight. This is wrong and unethical and does nothing to aid the patient’s health, in fact it works against good health! So many fat people refuse to seek medical treatment because they can not find a doctor who treats their complaints seriously.

Me:  This one I could go on about much longer than you'd like to listen.  Unfortunately, my weight has been a part of my illness.  However, I have learned that when I brought that up as my concern to my doctors, they wouldn't listen to me.  At first I just took it.  My health issues were depression, high blood pressure and high cholesterol (fyi, all symptoms of low thyroid . . . recall I had half of my thyroid removed at 28).  I was sent away by a short fat doctor who told me I needed to lose weight.  (At the time I was probably 20 pounds over what I wanted to be.)  I cried for the rest of the day over the humiliation.  Then I dried my eyes and started trying again. 

To shorten a very long story, I have not lost weight though I exercise more and more.  I have a friend that when she decides she wants to lose weight, she cuts out sugar drinks and drops 15 pounds.  A year ago, I had a blood sugar scare and as a result eliminated all sugar drinks.  The scale still sings the same old song:  No change - if anything a few pounds more.  I poured my frustrations out to my trainer one day telling him how since I had begun lifting weights and doing intervals with him 2 years before that I just wish I could see even a little difference.  His response (gotta love him - he didn't mean it the way it first sounded):  "I have another client that has been working out with me for 4 months. (I had been working with him for 2 years with no change)  She is about the same size as you and works out 2 days a week, just like you do, and she has lost 40 pounds."  He almost got punched, but then I realized . . . what he said was his way of agreeing with me.  What felt like another punch in the gut at first was actually his way of saying that something wasn't right about this picture because it so flew in the face of all he teaches and believes.  "That if you eat right and exercise, you will be healthy and you will lose weight."

Natalie:  Moreover I am very passionate about removing the stigma of fat. This stigma hurts fat people (I would say it hurts thin people too!) and poses a far greater health risk than body weight. It is assumed automatically that thin = healthy, and I bet when you actually think about that assumption… it starts to unravel. Do you know thin people who don’t exercise and eat poorly? I do. But those people are not told by their doctors that they need to lose weight, because they might not have any visible markers of fatness (read: poor health). And that’s how fat is pathologised and that’s why this kind of assumption works against everyone, because even thin people aren’t getting the health care they need when their health workers are relying on fat as a measure of health. The truth is, healthful and not-so-healthful behaviours are performed by EVERY sort of body. Our health care workers shouldn’t be so lazy as to assume the not-so-healthful behaviours are the domain of fatties only.

Oh, the stigma of "fat people."  Thank God (I do mean that literally - though in actuality, I wish neither of us did) my husband also struggles with weight.  (I have friends in very similar situations as myself - exercise, exercise to no avail - yet their husbands are the same size they were the day they were married.  Ugh!)  Because my husband is a man (obviously) people tend to be free-er with their words to him, and we are both shocked at what they say.  One man, a retired friend of my husband's father, greeted him on a vacation with something not so funny about when was the baby due!!!???  My husband, a dentist, wanted to counter with something about this man's horrible teeth!  Patients perpetually make comments about his weight and as a professional, he has to grin and act like it doesn't bother him.  Why is this okay?

My situation has been extremely disturbing to me because I feel like I have been discounted and ignored (by doctors especially) because I am overweight.  And yet, being overweight is my concern.  But because being overweight is my concern, I seem to be pushed aside (by doctors) even more as one who is there for a quick fix, though I tell them I am doing the work they want me to do.  Then it seems to me, they (doctors or anyone other health professional or especially "healthy" people for whom "it" has worked) assume I am lying and ignore me some more.  Unbelievable, but true. 

This year (or the end of last 2010) my Endocrinologist has finally agreed that my concerns are founded.  She is now convinced that I have been dealing with low thyroid issues for the last 13 years.  Thirteen years of high blood pressure.  Thirteen years of extremely high cholesterol.  Never mind the thirteen years of extreme struggle with depression!   I don't want to be skinny minny again.  I just want to be healthy. 

I will not leave this blog in panic mode, because even in this, I know that God is sovereign.  He made me.  This does not surprise Him.  He is All-knowing and All-powerful.  My days are in His hands.  He knows not only the number of hairs on my head but also the days that are ordained for me.  I cannot leave this earth before He is ready for me to leave it.  Isn't that comforting?  How wonderful that I can trust Him with my health.  Hmmm, here's a thought, what do you think the "perfect" size will be in heaven?  Do you think we will all be this "perfect" size or will there be different sizes of "perfect."




My reason for writing this blog is to help others.  When I was in college, I felt like God was calling me to the mission field.  My college degrees were chosen with that vision in mind.  I was first an English major and was headed to get a Master's in teaching English as a Second Language.  God stepped in and diverted me into Nursing.  I got my BSN in Nursing in 1994 and still thought I was headed to the mission field.  I married my best friend, a dental student, who felt he had more of a calling to short term missions. 

As life continued and God continued to lead, I found out that His plan for me was much more intricate than I had ever dreamed.  He walked me through depression (and still does), and I have found that my mission field is not to a people in a different country or with a different language, but with an illness.  My mission field is to those that struggle (as I do) with Depression.  It is with great delight that I share my life and struggles.  (I do think it is very important that you don't just hear about my struggles but also my joys, my living - there is much hope in that, so even my "ramblings" about my kids and life are with intention.)

If my words help you with your own struggle or help you understand a friend or relative with this struggle, it would do my heart good to get even a short comment from you on my blog or at my facebook link.

Sledding Dandelion Hill

Grayson going over the mogul.

The boys kind of had their own hill.

Grant trying some experimental snowboarding.

Grayson and Charlton with Drew pushing.

I must say, boys do it differently than girls do.

Glad he didn't bit his tongue off, oh dear, that is a bad thought.

Made it.

So funny, love this picture.

Throwing snowballs - at the girls maybe?

Cool dude.  Love it when my boys have good friends.

Our little neighborhood gang. 

Six boys. 

Six good boys that I will be excited to see

what God does with their lives.

My youngest, Will.

Hooded Grayson.

Drew bug - growing up fast.

Grant.

Charlton trying to be the tough guy. 

Not workin' on me. 

(I know he has a heart of gold.)

and my "little" Ben.

How'd you get so big?

Cool, I figured out how to add a border to my pictures.

Wooo Hooo Will!

Now it's the Momma's turn.

Yep, I'm in that group.

It's fun to be young again!

Three daring moms.

Ha, ha.

Whoa, horsey.

and when you get thirsty, just find some clean snow. . .

Snow Day # 2: My unplanned adventure

I wish you could see the intensity that was in this moment.  We have a bird feeder hanging above this window, and occasionally a bird rests on the windowsill here.  Rex, our beloved Boykin Spaniel, is supposed to be be bird hunting dog, but he's really more of a part of the family.  He had his nose pressed up to the window and was almost cross-eyed with concentration on the little birds outside.  You can see he has wiped his nose all over the window.  Nice. 

This awesome thermometer was one of my Christmas presents.  From me to me.  I hope this snow and ice won't ruin it.  It has a story.  I had one like it, but it was many years old, yellowed and cracked with age, so I tossed it.  (3 years ago)  Then started looking for another - just like it.  Didn't want one with pictures on it or the really fancy ones that cost a hundred bucks - just a plain one that was easy to read.  Been looking every spring and summer when the deck furniture comes out. . .  Three years later, Found it!!  Ten bucks.  Stored it with all the other Christmas presents in my closet.  Then dropped my boots on it and cracked the face.  (*rolling eyes many times*)  YES, it was the last one!!  The other ones were in rainbow shades and you couldn't have read the numbers!!!  So, I went across town and tried at the other ACE Hardware (love that store).  Ahh, they had another.  Another ten bucks, wrap it up and three years after I threw away my old one, I found what I was looking for.  And they think we don't know anything about hunting.  That's my type of hunting!

This is the beginning of my unplanned adventure.  I am going to find the boys.  They called about 20 minutes ago and told me they are just down the street sledding.  I am going to take pictures.  I have my fancy camera in hand - the one I would probably risk breaking an arm or a leg to keep it from falling and getting broken.  That is important for you to know as this adventure begins.  Notice the ice.  Now, don't get too excited, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you that I didn't fall - just so you aren't disappointed. 

Okay, out of the garage, now for the driveway.

This is the neighbors house across the street.  I trudged up to their front door and out of breath rang the doorbell to see if Kelly wanted to come out and play - or rather go with me to find our boys and watch them play.  She didn't answer.  I messed up their mostly unmarked front yard by marching through it.  The snow is very crunchy because of the thick layer of ice that is now on top of all that soft fluffy stuff from yesterday.

Okay,  I am one house away from mine.  See that hill up ahead?  That is where my boys said they were sledding.  It is very slippery out here. The road is almost impossible to walk on, the sidewalk is close to that and it is most safe, but difficult walking in the yards - a little more traction, but also a lot of work. 

That is a lot of ice.  Crossing Driveways is life-endangering.

Oh, and that hill I was headed to?  I made it.  They weren't there.  Nobody was there.  The whole neighborhood is strangely quiet.  Where are my kids?  WHERE ARE ANY ONE'S KIDS??

I have just stopped at a friend's house, whose boys are probably with my boys.  They directed me to the back of the neighborhood which is several blocks this way.  Normally not a big deal.  Today, THAT IS A VERY BIG DEAL!!  So, by now I have shed my cozy sweat shirt and left it at my friend's house because I am getting a work out and have started sweating in my ski pants, numerous socks, and down jacket.  And . . . I have called my dear husband and asked him where he is with "my" four-wheel truck and "my" four-wheeler that I have never really ever needed or used up until today.  Yes, I was having a little pity party that was rapidly gonna turn into a Hissy Fit if I didn't quick get control of myself. 

I am starting to see the possibility for a blog post by now, so I am snapping pictures with that in mind, and that is helping me see the little bit of humor in my excursion. 

Here is the house that was for sale at the same time as ours and was in the running for being "Our House." 

It didn't make the cut.  But it was/is a very pretty house.

Still no kids.  Just crossed paths with my friend Kelly and her daughter who said she slipped coming up this hill and had to crawl across some one's driveway.  They seem to be having about as much fun as I am having.  But they DO know that the boys (one of hers, three of mine and 2 of my other friend's that I left my jacket at their house 10 minutes ago.) are around the corner. 

Still Crunching.

No kids this way either.  This was almost creepy not finding the kids from our neighborhood anywhere.  But I couldn't have done a darn thing about it if someone had come and taken them! So much for taking care of my kids . . . I am busted.

I am starting to hear yells and there are a few specks in this picture that are kids sledding - still don't know if they are mine or not - I don't care whose kids they are.  I'm gonna take pictures of them and put them in my book.

Just a little further to go.

I was here for 5 minutes taking pictures before they even noticed me.  And then they said, "Oh, hi, Mommy, how long have you been here."  I just smiled and said, "Oh, a little while."  I didn't want to spoil the fun, so I swallowed the lecture about calling me to tell me that they had changed locations, and we just had fun.  And I took pictures.  The good ones are in the Next blog.

The snow of 2011

I love this picture of Will just purely enjoying the snow!!

The Snow of 2011! I hope this is one that will go down in the books. The last I remember that would compare was 1988 when we got 14 inches. But this snow was different. Totally different.

It came down all white and very fluffy. Six fluffy inches. But it wasn't sleddable or snowman material or even snowball material. We tried pulling the sleds behind the four-wheeler as we "usually" do and it wouldn't work. Crazy. So, we put all the coats and ski bibs and gloves and hats and socks in the dryer and warmed up with hot chocolate and marshmallows. YUM!

IT'S SO FLUFFY!!!

Doesn't it feel like I just took a picture of this?

And I think I'm in love with our blue door,
but it may be that I love it with the Christmas wreath and bow,
so hopefully I like it as much when that comes down. 

What a water skier does with his kids (and the neighbor kids when it snows.)

Our neighborhood gang.

This kid is so fun to get snow pictures of - his tongue is constantly out or he is laughing hysterically.

Then, with freshly dried and still warm from the dryer warm duds, we adventured over to a friend's house with my snow-driver hubby at the wheel. They live around the corner from a wonderful hill. And about then it started to sleet - which was just what that fluffy snow needed. Sledding began. Then pancakes - late afternoon pancakes and chicken salad (a man's version with artichoke hearts and a girly version with cranberries and nuts - yum, yum). We think pancakes after snow is a wondeful tradition to begin. That and maybe sugar cookies or Gingerbread houses - why should Christmas get all the fun?

Visiting friends - so glad my hubby can drive in the snow.

On our way to the sledding hill.

The Hill.

Weeeee.

Proof I was behind the camera. 

Sweet Jillian.

All going down together.  (My idea - for the picture, of course.)

Sweet Emily - Love this little girl!!

More sledding and then we sledded home before the roads got too, too bad. Now, for those of you that aren't from around here, we in Anderson rarely see snow for longer than a day. It doesn't stay cold long enough. Not this week! The thermometer got stuck down here - in the thirties - - all week long.

My handsome Ben.  (I can't say Sweet Ben!)

My favorite picture of the day.  Wish I had taken more from this angle.  Live and learn.